Crazy Star Wars Theories

Some of you may have figured out that we here at enjoy Star Wars. In fact I may say that some of us are a wee bit obsessed. Both Crazy and IronRangr are rabid consumers of nearly all new cannon. With The Last Jedi coming out soon, we have been working through some theories, primarily who is and where did Rey come from and who the heck is Snoke? Let’s iron out some of our crazy theories.

This is a collaborative effort; theories may compromise each other.
Warning: potential spoilers for books, movies, and comics.


Iden Versio + Luke = Rey

Battlefront 2 is just around the corner and it’s on the top of our minds. What if Luke and Iden get together? Weird I know, but they are seen together at 1:15 in the BF2 trailer. Or perhaps it’s another phase of the late-Emperor’s operation: Cinder. Taking some DNA from Luke and implanting it into one of the best soldiers the empire has: Iden. What this would accomplish? I’m not sure, but ol’ Palpy was one messed up dude. Probability 1/10


Is Rey Han Solos… Granddaughter?!?!?

Now we are really cooking. So this involves some timeline work. Han is in his 30’s in A New Hope, that gives him plenty of time to sow his wild oats before he meets Leia and gets involved with the rebellion. Perhaps in his early 20’s he has relations with a female, perhaps someone in the new Star Wars Story: Solo. That child would be old enough to have a child of their own a few years after the battle Endor (which is when Rey would have to be born) this would be an interesting idea to tie the upcoming Solo movie to the new trilogy. Probability 2/10

Rey was created by Luke

We know Luke is interested in finding Jedi artifacts after the battle of Endor. Maybe he finds some Sith Holocrons that teach him how to create life, Plagueis style. He could use that knowledge to create Rey in someone’s womb, then when she is born he starts training her. After awhile he realizes that she is too powerful, mind wipes her, and dumps her on Jakku. That’s why she can mind trick people and has some saber skills, because Luke wasn’t great at wiping her mind. Maybe Luke had Han involved in dumping her on Jakku and that’s why Han gives Rey those weird looks in TFA. Probability 7/10

Rey a Jinn

What if Qui-gon, being one with the force and all, secretly impregnated Leia with the force as a force-ghost? Han Solo finds out and is suuuuuper mad. He takes the child (Rey) and dumps her on Jakku in his rage. This also explains the for-lorn glaces he gives Rey in TFA. Probability -3/10

Rey is a Nobody

As we will discuss, there is a lot of talk of the unknown regions in the new Star Wars cannon. If Rey was a Kenobi, Skywalker, Solo or whatever, then tell me: why would any of these families dump her with Unkar Plutt? He’s not really a renowned baby-sitter and has a rep similar to Jabba the Hutt (notice the name similarities.) What if some scrappers found her in the unknown region and discovered that she accidentally force-exploded her family and was like, “Let’s just sell her and dump her off with Unkar!” Trauma can make a person forget their past and wee-Rey could have thought the scrappers were her family. Probability 8/10

Rey is a Plutt

Going on an Unkar roll here… what if Rey is Unkar Plutt’s kid? He’s a bad guy and all but seems to treat her fairly well. He feeds her, gives her a job, and helps her make friends. Seems like a good dad to me! Maybe the person flying away in Rey’s “force-back” from TFA is Mrs. Plutt because she’s so fed up with Unkar being married to his job. In the divorce, Unkar gets the kid and the business but the wife takes the car… er… the ship. Mrs. Plutt would be the only one to ever come back to Jakku, hence Rey’s hesitance to leave that dump. This would also explain why Unkar yells, “Hey! That’s mine!” when Rey flys off- he’s not talking about the Falcon, but he’s yelling at Fin for taking Rey. Probability 1/10


Rey Is a Failed Experiment

In TFA, Kylo talks about how the FO should have just stuck to cloning instead of taking small children for training. What if Kylo had attempted to start up a cloning facility for some FO super-soldiers? Maybe he got the idea from the Inquisitors. He could have easily used DNA from his uncle or mom (Luke or Leia) to start the cloning and someone could have found out and destroyed the clones… Except for one: Rey. Kylo dumps her on Jakku and that’s why he’s so pissed when he hears about BB-8 escaping with a girl. This also helps explain why he’s so interested in keeping her alive and wants to teach her. Probability 6/10

Is Snoke actually Gallius Rax

This is a popular theory seen all over the web. I don’t think it’s true. In the book Empires End, Rax gets pretty shot up (spoilers) and he isn’t force sensitive, he even thinks the force is foolish. Also I doubt the story group would make the villain someone that only 5% of fans would understand or remember. Probability 4/10

Snoke is just a random dude from the unknowns

The unknown regions of space have come up a fair bit in the new cannon. Wild space is uncharted and dangerous and the Emperor was very interested in it. Perhaps the fragments of the Empire that escaped the New Republic had fled into the unknown  and just-so happened upon Snoke? Interesting, but I think a good history would make us invest in him a lot more. Probability 6/10

Snoke is Jar-Jar

We’re all thinking it, I’m just putting it down in writing. Probability 10/10


Is Snoke-

Mace Windu– doubtful, Mace got pretty rekt and Snoke is white. Probability 1/10

A youngling– interesting, Snoke isn’t sith or Jedi, but is force sensitive, he could have the mood of a jaded child that was mutilated. Probability 4/10

Fallen Jedi– probable. If there was a Jedi that escaped order 66 but saw the flaw in the Jedi I could see them abandoning there teachings and going to wild space. Perhaps getting picked up by the first order. Probability 8/10

Ezra Bridger– unlikely. I don’t see Ezra going bad. And I think Ezra is with Saw Gerrera in rogue one (the guy in the black scout trooper helmet) Probability 2/10

Chancellor Valorum– He didn’t appear to be force sensitive. He would be quite elderly by the time the first order is up and running. Still fascinating. Probability 7/10

Darth Plagueis- If I was a betting man. Plagueis may have seen the flaws in the Sith after Palpatine tried to kill him. He could have lurked in the shadows waiting to strike when the empire was at it’s weakest. Probability 9/10

When it comes down to it Snoke will either be someone the average fan will know (at least a little bit) or someone totally new but they will give a back story to. Perhaps a member of Palpatine’s entourage that managed to escape the second Death Star?

We have so many questions. The burning one is: Who is Rey? What’s her place in all this? Her mystery is similar to Snoke, and being a super fan I want some crazy explanation. At the end of the day the movies are for the casual fan. (Filthy Casuals) Even if every super fan sees it 10 times, Disney can’t justify an origin for either character that the average fan doesn’t understand or enjoy. So Rey will probably be a Skywalker somehow. Maybe it will be as simple as Luke hooked up with someone and had a kid. The best part is we might have to wait 2 more years, because you can’t forget that we have Episode IX after this. So, no matter what happens in The Last Jedi, be prepared to leave with more questions than answers.


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